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If I can't have you by Charlotte Levin

This a book about love, but it is not a love story (in the conventional sense). This is a story about love that goes wrong, love that is unhealthy, love that is mistreated.


Constance, the main character, is literally a train wreck. We first meet her as she hops onto the tube wearing a wedding dress that is covered with blood and a tooth that is hanging by a thread. When I read the opening paragraphs, I wondered how on earth someone would end up in this situation? What was their state of mind? Are they okay? The author begins at the end of the story. As a reader we are taken back to the events that ended on the tube.


Back to Constance. She comes across as a bit crazy and on the edge. If you look beyond this, however, you see that she is sad, vulnerable and alone in the world. Only a few months before the story begins, we learn that she has lost her mother and now has no family. She is forced to become independent, which she handles well by getting a job as a receptionist in a small medical practice in her neighbourhood. She also rents a rather dreary bedsit. It is through her work and her living arrangements that we meet the main male protagonists, Samuel Stevens, one of the doctors in the practice where she works and Dale, who lives in a bedsit in her building. Both of these men end up being influential in her story.


This is where we get to the juicy part of the story – the negative flipside of love.


Much to everyone’s surprise, Samuel is very friendly towards Constance. She doesn’t seem to be his type, but despite all this they make a connection. They even end up in bed together. For Constance, this is a dream come true. She no longer feels sad and lonely. She even has hope for the future. But remember…this is not a romance novel and we find out that Samuel is not what he seems – he is manipulative and selfish. You get the feeling that he has preyed upon Constance’s vulnerability. Add to the mix, Dale. She also feels a connection to him. More as a friend. Except Dale sees things differently and end up pressuring Constance into a relationship. I don’t want to go into too many details and give away spoilers.


One of the main ideas that is simmering below the surface of the story is the idea that romantic love can often be toxic and unhealthy. We meet men in the story who are manipulative, men who aren’t open and honest about their expectations, men who expect and demand love and men who think that women are around simply to serve them, the kind of men who call women crazy when confronted about their expectations. We see the lengths that Constance goes to as she tries to hang on to love (or what she thinks love is).


I went into this book not really thinking that I wasn’t going to enjoy it, but it turned out to be the prefect brooding, moody weekend read. I would thoroughly recommend it.


Photo Source: https://www.freeimageslive.co.uk/free_stock_image/broken-heart-jpg

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